Gift of The Rain I


October 6, 1999
As I rolled the windows down
the wind gusts lifted my hair completely
and it surrounded my face.

I smiled, desperately wiping it away so I could see to drive.
I turned the radio up
and sang at the top of my lungs
….as my girlfriend would later do when at the gig…

The wind, which had not been there when I got in the car
just five minutes before
gusted fiercely
it shoved my truck this way and that.

I got high off that wind
the night air seemed to sizzle;
plaid school-girl skirt
socks up to my knees
blonde hair glossy
lips shiny red
all I could do was smile.

As I arrived at the dockside restaurant
and continued to the patio where her band was playing
….and then came my favorite song.

I had to get up and dance but
being the only one
I knew I was a spectacle,
I didn’t care.

The side door opened from the dock
and in walked three men.
I only saw one
he was over six feet tall
soaking wet, all in black
long dark curls reached his waist
his face was like that of a painting.

Still high off the wind,
as nothing could deter me,
I fancied over and grabbed his wet sweatshirt
and dragged him to the dance floor.

It was his birthday
and I was his gift.
We have never been apart since.
Sorms are for healing
the lonely hearts
the rain is to remind you
who is in charge
the wind carries lovers to their rightful places
and the stars shine down later
to say that all is well.

Myhusband never gets off the boat
he rides and rides
and doesn’t stop at all
until that night
when the wind and the rain forced him to
stopped him for his birthday
to give him his gift.


Secured In Advance

Would a parent who traveled the vast prairie to deliver their child from danger
abandon him once they had completed the journey?
NO!…and so….
I vow here and now to erase the doubt in my success by trusting in My Lord who without a shadow of a doubt placed me directly in a specific spot, and He will defend my position with his very own hand.

Doubt in myself will be crushed here and now because having known what I would say or do, He would have stopped me if it were not cohesive to his Divine Plan.

Weapons fashioned against me shall not prevail, and He will defend my honor with His very own name for He knew what was going to happen ahead of time, and He would never lead me into failure or shame, or across a prairie only to abandon me.

Though my plea to humans is for attention and confirmation, I should not consider those, for He alone is my judge, and my comfort. Humans do not always forgive, but He never fails too, never falters, never changes His mind…nothing ever “occurs to God”… for he is all knowing and Omni present, and so I should never have even one glimmer of doubt, sadness, regret, or confusion, for I love the rock upon which I stand, and He will never fail me in advance.

Gift of the Rain II

Breezy wind
Carry him to me
Splash him soaking wet
In the boat
That carries my love
My life
Never the same after your gusts
I am amazed even today.

Even though he stays so distant
He envelopes me whole
Knowing every crevasse
But not every sorrow
For if he did
He would not love me so

Wind, who stops at my Creators command
Bring back to me what you offer
It is mine

Thank you for listening
as the big oak swung
and you kept your talons from me
at the Creators command
Gift me again
Bring home my man
Ever loving
And lasting in my hands

The Truth

Just when I thought I had dug to the bottom of the never ending pit……..
Just when I thought I had reached the last of my terrible sins………
Just when I thought I was on my way to salvation………
Nothing could compare to what I found
In the bottom of the pit.

Nothing will be able to wipe away the tears of regret
Nothing will take this……
This, that I cannot bare!
This, that chains my arms behind my back
and raises my feet to kick my face.

I was on my way up
…up….up….UP to Heaven….
On my way…and then WHAM!
How can I forgive myself NOW?!?
How can I be forgiven by someone else,
when I can’t forgive myself?

I am moved in this moment
As I stare at what I have done
And I look at the grief that I have caused….
I am moved to see the truth.

I look at the mutilation to My Lord’s backside
I look at the bleeding and tearing at his front
I stare at the large gouge in his side
I tenderly run my spiritual finger over the scars at his forehead
and then I bow down
and kiss the holes in His feet.
….and He whispers….
“Even though you abused them….I never left them.
Even though they don’t know me, I never will leave them.
I will deal with you later-
For now, I am busy cleaning up your mess.”
Blessed be Jesus Christ Forever!
He takes away the sins of the world.
He is there for you
When you are your own worst enemy.
He will never leave you.
Though His enemy, you may be,
He will then just have to work harder.

Blessed be the people who have made it easy for him.

As I sit today, and fear for my soul
I think about all of the other people in this world
Eight billion or so
and half of them don’t know The Savior.
How large will the army be that doesn’t serve Him?
Still though, He is stronger, and triumphant He WILL BE,
starting with me.

Maybe facing the past, facing what I have done,
and whom I have hurt
is part of the process of saving ones soul,
and therefor, ultimately, I rejoice in the truth.
Peace be with me
and you.

I Go Before you, Always.

How can I get you to love me?
I am so beautiful
one Lord of all
one music to your ears
one sight to your tired eyes
one sacrafice for you.
You are my body,
my limbs
and shivers go up my spine
as you are away from me.

I have written you so many outstanding melodies
to lift your heart
and show you the real me
so many times I have called you
so many tears I shed for you.
You will not be injured under my care
please say you love me too.

Open to me the door which is closed
accept my gifts, as I console you
as I understand you
drink in the love I have for you.

You will be somewhere where I can rest
in the shadows of a moments time
I will rest in you for an eternity.
I long to experience what you do
but you don’t want me near you.
…Oh! How a father yearns for his son.

My mother stands and waits for you
and with eagernes you will meet me.
She’s standing right in front of you
show her a bit of kindness for her purity alone.

Show that you know
what it must have felt like to hold my body in her arms.
Could your mother so the same
and then forgive your murderer?

I have the answer right here in my pouch
I have all the answeres
to the moon,
the stars,
the universe,
I will make it your someday.
You can count on me.